![]() Can I use your bathroom?' I don't know what I would have done." ![]() "If she had showed up and said, 'Oh, I really have to pee. But it really was only because she was cognizant of articulating that need and I was able to take time to accommodate it," she says. "So I disinfected this one bathroom and created a pathway through my house. Her friend also asked in advance if she could use Feldman's bathroom while she was there. "Because if you show up at someone's house and they have a beautiful spread and they're expecting that you're just going to dig into a platter of food with them, and that's not what you're comfortable with, there might be disappointment on their part," Feldman explains. They had an extensive conversation about how they would sit (6 feet apart), what they would drink (the friend would accept a beverage can she could wipe down herself), whether they would wear masks (no) and if Feldman would serve snacks (no). "This is a really good time to practice that."įeldman has been practicing her skills over and over during the pandemic, like the time she invited a friend over for a socially distanced cocktail in her backyard. ![]() "The more people communicate what they want and what they desire and what they're comfortable with, the more we actually get what we want," Feldman says. These are skills that many adults have never received formal training on but that studies show lead to greater relationship satisfaction. to now include a focus on developing communication skills around intimacy and sex. She says Bay Area schools have expanded beyond knowledge-based teaching - sperm fertilizing the egg, etc. Similarly, she says, "If you want your mom to wear a mask when you see her, you need to explain why it's important to you and why it's aligned with your values."įeldman helped the Oakland Unified School District develop its latest sex education curriculum, one of the most comprehensive in the nation. "If you really want to make sure your partner uses a condom, you have to express why it's important to you and why it's aligned with your values and why that's something that you need from them," says Julia Feldman, who runs the sex education consultancy Giving the Talk. When the pandemic emerged, they quickly noticed the parallels between negotiating safe sex and negotiating "safe socializing." Many of these experts have years of experience honing best practices and guidance for discussing - and engaging in - new sensitive experiences. Doctors and sex education teachers have advice - as do experts in polyamory and sexual practices such as BDSM (consensual role-play involving bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism). Pulling it all off successfully requires some nuanced communication skills. ![]() Americans are learning they have a lot to discuss and negotiate with each other about what they're willing to do, with whom and how carefully. have started to emerge from strict shelter-in-place rules, they're having to figure out whether (and how) to get a haircut, host a family barbecue or share child care with another family. These days, it's whoever you're breathing next to.Īs families across the U.S. She's used to explaining to people that when you have sex with someone, you're essentially having sex with whoever else they're having sex with. Park is a doctor who treats people with sexually transmitted infections at the San Francisco City Clinic and is author of a book about STIs, Strange Bedfellows. "Now, suddenly, we're having to have these awkward, safe sex-type conversations with all types of people that you wouldn't ordinarily have to have these conversations with." "Those are conversations that some of us were used to having in the past and have not had for a long time," said Park.
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